I'm glad elephants don't want to eat me

I was thinking today that I was really glad that elephants aren't meat eaters. Ya know, they would be humanity's worst enemy. Here are a few reasons:

1. They're gigantic. It would at least take a few people to take one down if it decided to stage a hostile take-over.

2. Thick skin. If we did round up enough people to take one down, it'd be hard to get through that thick sun-baked hide.
3. Tusks. Even though they're not the best weapons that an animal could have, I would still avoid them.
4. Giant ears. If the elephants staged a hostile take-over, it'd be kind of hard to stage a sneak attack to get close to an elephant. Their ears are big and I bet they can hear me coming from a mile away.
5. Trunks. These extended noses might seem like the friendliest side of the elephant but just imagine all the things they could be used for: submarine warfare, sniffing out people, creating diversions.

And worst of all:

6. An elephant never forgets. Imagine the raptors from "Jurassic Park" but with the additional 1,000 pounds. If they never forgot anything, imagine how hard it would be to try and outsmart the elephant. It would remember all of your offensive tactics and be able to counter with all the knowledge that it has ammased in it's elephant life.

So, take away message. I'm really glad that elephants don't want to eat me. It would be a horribly different world.

Decide which should be my personal logo!

Ensign vs. Ensin

When I started this blog, I promised you that I would only acknowledge the most important issues that are pressing to our society. So, here it goes:


For those of you who don't know, I'm a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormons). (And yes, I realize I don't have THAT many people that read this blog but...)
So, the official publication of the church is titled Ensign which comes from a scripture in Doctrine & Covenants 64:42 which says that Zion, or the church, "shall be an ensign unto the people, and there shall come unto [Zion] out of every nation under heaven."

Now, the thing that kind of irks me is that a lot of people in the church pronounce the word "en-sin" instead of "en-sign." 

Which, actually is OK. A lot of dictionaries will point out that both pronunciations are correct. However, a lot of  dictionaries also point out that "en-sin" is the pronunciation reserved for the military rank and "en-sign" for the banner or emblem. (Ironically enough, this was referenced in the Ensign.)

So, if I'm not mistaken, the church magazine is titled Ensign after the banner and thus, the magazine should be pronounced "en-sign" and not "en-sin."

Just helping you guys out... Spread the word and make sure you pronounce it correctly. 

The Exclama-Question Mark?!

Why doesn't the English language have a punctuation mark for a loud question?

For example, if I was yelling at a movie, "The bad guy is behind the door! What are you thinking?!"
Notice the ? then the ! Someone needs to invent a combined question mark and exclamation point.

Therefore, I would like to grab the attention of the Associated Press (AP), American Psychological Association (APA), Kate Turabian, Modern Language Association (MLA), and the University of Chicago Press (Chicago); in order to announce a new punctuation mark called the exclama-question mark. (It's a work in progress. I'm open to new names.)

Here are some mock-ups for your perusal:

The Manslater: (Woman Language Translator)

BYU Things: BYU Classes (Part 5)

So, after spending a few years at BYU, I decided to create a list of classes that most people want to take. Some of them I've taken, some of them I haven't. 

Let me know if I forgot any classes on the list.

1. Flexibility

This class teaches you how to stretch properly. (Ya! I know... awesome.) If you improve your flexibility by the end of the semester, you get an A. They also teach you relaxation methods and there is 20 minutes of class dedicated to napping each day. 
I took this class and it rocked! I got so good at napping, it wasn't even funny! I also touched my toes for the first time. I since have lost that ability.... However, I have not lost my ability to nap. I'm still pro. 

2. History of Creativity

This is one of those GE's that everyone thinks is easy. I never took the class. I took Art History. That class was both interesting and easy. I think t hat in History of Creativity you learn about the history of philosophy and how our society became what it is today. A highlight of this class is that you get/have to invent something at the end of the year. 
The inventions are showcased in the Crabtree Building during the last week of classes. Sometimes there is something cool but most of the time you see the Mona Lisa made out of Kraft Macaroni. 

Met her husband in a floral design class...

3. Floral Design

Guys wanna take this class at BYU because they think that there will be lots of girls in the class. I would imagine that this is true. However, in my nightmares, I show up for the first day of class and there is only one girl there and just a bunch of dudes. They all made my same assumption.

4. Personal Finance/ Accounting 200

So this class is taught by Scott Marsh. I think he's taught the class for decades. He's amazing. This class is totally recommended! I learned a ton about how to manage my personal finances for the future.
I combined this entry with Accounting 200 because I couldn't think of anything funny to say about Personal Finance. However, Accounting 200 has plenty to poke fun at. This class is taught by the famous Norm Nemrow. Most of the class is done through a DVD that Norm recorded a few years ago. There are also a ton of majors that require this class so, needless to say, you'll see Norm's face on plenty of laptops at BYU. 

There are a lot of rumors about Norm's history. Some people say that he became a billionaire a few years ago and now he's just back at BYU working pro bono. In other rumors I've heard, they say that he's very rich and donates his whole pay check back to BYU every time he get's it. I don't know if there is any truth to these rumors...

5. Anything by Randy Bott

Randy Bott is another famous teacher at BYU. I've never taken a class from him but I've heard good things. Supposedly, he's in such high demand that he has 24 Teacher's Assistants just to take care of his classes. They grade everything and he just comes in and lectures. He teaches Mission Prep and LDS Marriage and Family.

6. Social Dance

This is one of those classes that sophomore girls take because they think that the sensitive guys will be in this class. They believe that if the guy is a good dancer that they might have other things in common. They fantasize about chatting about the inner workings of "Pride and Prejudice," "Twilight," and "Gilmore Girls." 
In reality, this class is probably a great opportunity to meet new people. Learning how to dance could always be a plus too. 

So, how was that? I couldn't think of any other classes that most BYU students want to take. If you can think of any, let me know!

BYU Things: Summer Activities (Part 4)

Hello everyone. Happy holidays!

So, I'm going to continue my list of BYU things. This time, I'm going to highlight a few summer activities. Thanks for those who gave feedback and some ideas to write about. Keep it up!

For those of you who are just joining us, I'm going through a list of typical BYU activities and talking about whether I've done them or not. It's kind of a bucket-check-off list for BYU. 

1. Hiking the Y

 Yes, I've hiked the Y. I've done it a few times and every time it reminds me how out of shape I am. It's kind of a sad experience every time. The view is awesome but the switchback trails to get up there are horrible. 

Usually, hiking the Y is a group activity. I know a few people that hike it by themselves, regularly. These people are usually avid runners or mountain folk. However, the vast majority of us hike the Y with other people. 

The trick is to hide your out-of-shapeness. Most people will try and mask their heavy breathing or burning muscles. Tip: Try and get someone else to do the talking. No one will notice that you're out of shape if you're not talking. 

When someone asks to take a break, pretend like you wanted to keep going. If you can successfully do this, people will think you are in shape.

 

2. Bonfires

 BYU students usually have bonfires during the months of July and August. However, they are usually illegal during those months. There is usually a state fire warning which prohibits open fires. Plan ahead. 

If you can find a time to have a bonfire (or choose to do it illegally), make sure to get up the canyon early. Typically, everyone wants to go do a bonfire at like 10 p.m. and it's usually dark. The guys try to show of their Eagle Scout skills and start a fire in the dark.

And, this is where the stereotyped BYU guy takes out his guitar. If he's good, it's an uplifting experience for everyone. If he only knows one song, then it's not such a great experience. If you play the guitar, make sure it's a song that everyone knows. There is nothing more annoying than trying to sing along with a song that you don't know. 

3. Night games on campus

If you're feeling nostalgic for your childhood, go play some night games on campus. Usually, BYU students play games like Kick the Can, Sardines and Cops and Robbers during the summer months. 

I'm always amazed at how no college student has a big can for Kick the Can. If you ever play this game it's usually with a small soup can. According to the international regulations, it should be played with a big coffee can. Maybe it's just due to the lack of Folgers drinkers on BYU campus...

 

4. Jump On It/ Tumbling Gym

I love this place. Well, I love the Tumbling Gym. I've never been to Jump On It. 

It's a great activity for only $6. The place is really sketchy but it's fun. The place seems to be run by a few teenagers who haven't cleaned the place in a year. It smells horrible but you get used to it. 

Tip: Close your eyes and mouth if you jump into the foam pit. The foam it super old and sprays old dust/gross particles all over you when you jump in. Hold your breath!

5. Muse/ Velour/  The OZ

So, for those of you who don't know. At BYU, there are two types of students: Utah haters and those who are fine with Utah. 

Typically, freshmen (from California and Texas) talk about how dumb Utah is due to it's lack of culture, style and music scenes. I would say that 80% of them come around throughout their college career. By the end of their studies, they come to love Utah.

HOWEVER, a lot of those students who are looking for a music scene go to the Muse or Velour. If you want to know when there are shows at these venues, look no further than the sidewalk on your way to campus. Some really annoying graffiti advertisers will write something every five feet, advertising the shows that weekend.

This is the central hub of indy culture at BYU. 

6. Festival of Colors

I think the typical comment made after going to the Festival of Colors is as follows: "That was fun, but I'm not coming back."

The Festival of Colors happens in Spanish Fork's Hari Krishna Temple. I think it celebrates the triumph of a god over a wicked witch. However, the highlight is throwing colors up in the air all on the same cue. 

The past few years, the festival has been growing and has mostly just turned into a giant mosh pit. So, if you love having your personal space invaded by strangers and chocking in a cloud of brown (mixed up bright colors) powder, this is the event for you!

7. Float the Provo River

After three trips down the river, in three different summers, I vowed I would never float the river again. 

The past few years, the river hasn't been that full, so I've had to drag my butt along the bottom of the river the whole time. I usually get the crappy inflatable and end up not being able to navigate the river very well.

For those of you who haven't gone, there is one part where you NEED to go down the right side of the river and not the left. If you go down the left, you'll run into a bridge which will clip you off of your tube and throw you to the bottom of the river. After you resurface, your leg will be all scratched up, you'll have a headache from hitting your head along the rocks and you'll be cold.

HA OK. Well, I had a bad experience. But if you plan it out really well, floating the river isn't too bad. Make sure that you have a good tube that you can navigate. Make sure that it's going to be a warm day and that you don't go too early in the summer. If you go too early in the summer the water will still be freezing cold. But just know, that I will not be joining you.

Welp, OK. That's all for today. If you have any more ideas or insights, let me know!